Digging Dirt

     I’ve began again the task of creating a paver patio. You see I started a few years ago by hand… digging down into the hard soil around the foundation of my house with my shovel. Needless to say after my separated shoulder started to remind me of my physical limitations, the realization that I had nowhere to put my discarded dirt, and no means to actually move the dirt off my property, I gave up. I thought maybe I’d completely abandon the project or pay a landscape company to fulfill my vision. Procrastination, indecision, and the busyness of life left a mound of dirt and growing weeds.

            A friend of mine tried to persuade me that I could still make the patio and even offered help. So much so that they delivered bags of paver base and bags of sand that has sat for two or three years along the sidelines. The materials from my friend were supposed to be a symbol of encouragement, but, wrongfully in my own mind, it became a reminder of an insurmountable mountain. Every time I saw the plastic bags I felt inferior and defeated. (Sorry friend. Thank you for the gesture.)

            I had an offer from my brother and other friends at separate times to help, and for reasons I won't go into now I didn't accept their invitations. One thing most people know about me is I don’t like to ask for help. One of many personal flaws I’m working on changing. Recently, another friend has offered once again to help and an opportunity to use rented equipment, borrowed trucks, and locations for dumping my dirt has brought me to a renewed place of action. The area of the planned patio has grown. Obstacles abound, among them:  creating a dry well for a drain, over a ton of crushed limestone needed, and masonry cuts for stone pavers. Just when I have begun to feel confident that one day I will see this patio completed I am frustrated by technical components that complicate the process.

            Why does this surprise me? Nothing in this life comes easy. And perhaps this is why I’m discouraged. At the moment I’m in the thick of things. I believe I’m working hard in all aspects of my life, personally and professionally, and although I see progress, the goals are not obtained. Maybe this is where I need to cut myself some slack. Or maybe this is where I need to work even harder. Or maybe this is where faith comes into play. But for now, at this very moment . . . I feel like I’ll always be simply digging dirt.